Gay Men & The Love of Women: Stop Lying About Your First Crushes

Let’s cut the fake shit — yes, I said it. Y’all love to swear up and down, “I don’t like women, never have, never will.” But that’s cap. And I’m about to call it out. If we’re being real — sexually honest, no filters, no performative gay purity — a lot of you had women as your first, most powerful, most sexual crushes.

I’m not talking about a little admiration. I’m talking about those moments that lit something up in you — that heat, that obsession, that “I can’t take my eyes off her” energy.

Your First Girl Crush Wasn’t Just Cute — It Was Charged

“Oh my God, no, I’m gay!” Calm down. Hear me out.

Think back. Before you even knew what “gay” meant, before your first hookup with a guy — who had your attention? Who had your heart rate going crazy? For a lot of gay men — especially the fems who lived for drama, style, and energy — it was women.

Pop stars. Teachers. Older cousins. TV characters. That hot woman at church who smelled like cocoa butter and sin. You didn’t just admire them, you studied them.

• You loved how they walked, how they talked.
• You copied their slang, their side-eye, their strut.
• You wanted to be them — but if we’re honest, you also wanted them.

And don’t try to pretend “I wish I looked like her” was just fashion inspiration. That was a crush. That was desire. That was your first spark.

Wanting to Be Her & Wanting Her Are Two Sides of the Same Coin

Picture this: Little Mark at the cookout. His aunt walks in — hair laid, outfit fire, hips swaying. Mark isn’t just looking. He’s mesmerized. He’s drinking her in.

That level of obsession — that deep desire to embody her energy — is dangerously close to attraction. You didn’t just want to raid her closet. You wanted to absorb her. And that want? That pull? Yeah, that’s sexual energy.

Sexuality Isn’t Neat — Stop Pretending It Is

Here’s the truth: sexuality isn’t some straight line that never curves. It’s messy. It’s layered. And pretending your early crushes on women “didn’t count” is just you protecting a clean narrative.

For some of you, those girl crushes were the first sparks that taught you what beauty was, what charisma was, what power looked like. They shaped how you show up now — in your style, your sass, your whole aura.

For others, especially trans women, those crushes were part of the awakening that said, “Wait… I don’t just love this energy — I am this energy.”

Time to Be Honest: Women Turned You On First

So here’s my question, and answer it honestly: aren’t you, the bold, beautiful gay man you are today, basically a remix of every woman you ever crushed on? Your wit. Your walk. Your lip-sync skills. Your clapbacks. All of that came from somewhere..

Stop lying to yourself. Stop acting like women never made you feel anything. They did. They lit that fire. They built the blueprint. They woke something up in you that men just took over and ran with later.

This isn’t about turning you straight. It’s about being real about what shaped you, what turned you on, what made you who you are.

So yeah, let’s say it with our chest:
For a lot of gay men, the first person you ever wanted — was a woman.

Sit with that. Rather you agree or disagree use the comment box below.