Explore real talk on consent and dominance with Black male Doms Jae Superior and Maurice Holmes. This candid interview unpacks Safe, Sane & Consensual practices in BDSM while challenging misconceptions and centering Black voices.

Safe, Sane & Consensual Consent in BDSM: Black Male Doms Speak

An Exclusive Interview with Jae Superior & Maurice Holmes By: Kc. Lancaster

The smell of rich coffee mixed with fresh gym sweat set the mood—two kings ready to break down the real rules of consent in BDSM. Jae Superior, smooth, commanding, a Youth Counselor and Erotic Wellness Coach, sat with Maurice Holmes, blunt, intellectual, a mindset coach and personal trainer. Both Black Male Doms holding court on what consent means when power meets pleasure.

MAURICE:

Man, it’s wild, ain’t it? We talk about ruling shit with an iron fist, being the head of the household, demanding respect — that’s just how we live. So it makes perfect damn sense for Black men to align with BDSM, to be drawn to the Dom community. But for too long, there hasn’t been enough, or even the right kind of broader representation, you feel me? We dominate in real life, so why wouldn’t that translate to the bedroom, to the dungeon?

JAE:

Preach, bro. We’re already comfortable with that definitive, directive energy. But then the conversation around BDSM gets all sanitized or demonized, and our voices, especially as Black Male Doms, aren’t always front and center, laying out the real rules, the real protocols. And the biggest damn rule? The foundation of all of it? Consent. Period.

The Cornerstone: What Is Consent in BDSM?

JAE:

People hear “BDSM” and immediately think “no rules,” “anything goes,” “forced.” And that, my G, is some bullshit. Consent in BDSM? It’s the explicit, enthusiastic agreement between all parties involved to engage in specific activities. It’s not a one-time thing; it’s an ongoing conversation, a living, breathing component of every single dynamic.

MAURICE:

And let’s be clear about Informed Consent. This ain’t some casual “yeah, sure.” Both partners, especially the submissive, need to fully understand what they’re getting into. The activities, the potential sensations, the risks — the whole damn picture. No surprises, no pulling the rug out. You gotta discuss it beforehand. Every kink, every limit, every single detail that matters to the experience.

JAE:

Yeah, like, you can’t just spring a new toy or a new scene on someone and expect them to just roll with it. That’s not consent, that’s ambush. And then there’s Enthusiastic Consent. This isn’t just a ‘yes.’ It’s a ‘fuck yes!’ It’s freely given, without coercion, without pressure, without guilt. If your submissive is saying ‘yes’ because they feel obligated, or scared, or worried about disappointing you, then you ain’t got consent, you got compliance. And compliance, my brotha, ain’t sexy or safe.

The Unbreakable Rule: Reversible Consent and Safe Words

JAE:

So, let’s talk about the absolute non-negotiable, Maurice. Reversible Consent. This shit is paramount. I’ve had people ask me, “Is it okay to do what I want to my submissive if they agreed on the contract, even if they took it back?” And my answer is always the same: Hell. No. A thousand times no!

MAURICE:

Exactly! If they agreed on a contract, fine. But that contract is not a damn slave deed. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason. Doesn’t matter if you’re mid-scene, mid-spank, mid-collar. If they revoke consent, everything stops immediately. No questions asked, no arguments, no lingering for “just one more.” That’s not just a rule, that’s a moral imperative. You violate that, you ain’t a Dom; you’re a damn predator.

INTERVIEWER: That’s where Safe Words come in, right?

JAE:

Precisely, bro. A clearly defined safe word is your emergency stop button. It’s non-negotiable. Typically, it’s a word or phrase completely unrelated to the scene, something that can’t be mistaken for part of the play. Like “pineapple” or “blue sky.” If that word is uttered, the scene ends. Immediately. No exceptions. No grey area.

MAURICE:

And let me just say, if you’re a Dom, and you’re asking what if the safe word doesn’t work with a Dom because you choose to ignore it? You’re not a Dom, you’re an abuser. Full stop. The safe word is sacred. It’s the ultimate expression of trust and the submissive’s ultimate power. Ignoring it isn’t just a breach of trust; it’s a violation of their safety, their autonomy, and fundamentally, their consent. There are no “different protocols and rules” for Black men or any Dom when it comes to the safe word. It’s universal. It’s the law.

Boundaries, Limits, and Ongoing Negotiation

JAE:

Beyond the safe word, you gotta establish Boundaries and Limits. This is all part of the pre-negotiation. What’s absolutely off-limits? What’s a “hard no”? What’s a “soft limit” — something they might try but want to be careful with? My subs know what’s on the table and what ain’t before we even start. This is deeply personal, and it’s where the individuality truly shines. Some might be fine with pain, others not. Some want public play, others only private. Know your person.

MAURICE:

And it’s not a one-time chat. This is Negotiation, baby. Ongoing. You need regular check-ins. “How are you feeling about last night? Is there anything you want to change for next time? Are your limits still the same?” Because just like life, relationships evolve, and so do desires and comfort levels. What was okay last month might not be okay next week. That’s Reversible Consent in action again — applying to the long game, not just the moment.

JAE:

Like, for big purchases, some Doms have rules that anything over a certain amount needs explicit consent, even just a text or email. It’s about respecting their financial autonomy, not just their physical one.

MAURICE:

Or event planning, man. If you’re scheduling a play session or a scene more than a day in advance, both partners should have it on their damn calendar. No last-minute surprises or “I forgot.” It shows respect for their time and planning. And privacy? Always respect each other’s privacy and personal space. That’s a given, but sometimes people forget that basic human decency applies to kink too.

SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual – The Black Dom Perspective

JAE:

Ultimately, it all boils down to SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Safe means physical safety — no permanent harm, knowing basic first aid, having a clean space. Sane means mental and emotional safety. It means both parties are in a healthy state of mind, clear-headed, not under duress or intoxicated to the point of impaired judgment. You ain’t playing with someone who’s not in the right headspace. And Consensual, well, we’ve been breaking that down all damn day.

MAURICE:

And this is where, I think, a lot of our brothers, us Black Male Doms, we inherently get it even if we ain’t using the fancy terms. We understand ruling, leading, protecting. The best of us, anyway. We understand the gravitas of responsibility. So, when we talk about the rules of Black Doms when it comes to consent, it’s not some radical departure; it’s often a more direct, unapologetic, and clear articulation of these SSC principles. No beating around the bush. We demand clarity because we bring clarity.

The Crucial Missing Piece: Aftercare

JAE:

And after the scene, the intensity, the release, there’s one more non-negotiable piece that people often overlook — Aftercare. It’s not just a nice-to-have, it’s essential. For both the Dom and the sub. It can be cuddles, blankets, water, a warm shower, talking about the scene, reminding them they’re safe and cherished. It pulls them out of subspace and back into reality gently. It reaffirms the bond and the trust you just built. It’s proof that you truly care about their well-being, not just their performance.

MAURICE:

Bingo. Aftercare addresses the emotional and psychological impact of play. It’s how you ensure your submissive feels cared for, not just used. It minimizes the pressure, reassures them that you genuinely wouldn’t want them doing something they don’t enjoy. It’s about respecting the entire person, from pre-negotiation to the come-down. Because consent isn’t just about avoiding “no”; it’s about making sure the “yes” was genuinely joyful and that they leave the experience feeling whole.

This conversation makes it crystal clear: BDSM isn’t about brute control or ego trips. When handled by conscious, powerful Black Male Doms like Jae and Maurice, it’s about trust, respect, and radical consent. It’s a sacred space where power is wielded with care, boundaries are honored, and pleasure is built on honest, ongoing agreement. You can follow them on Facebook @Jae Superior and @Maurice Holmes and catch them on their co-owned websites BlackMaleBodyWorship.com and Masculineenergyy.com. I'm K.C. Lancaster Digital artist and influencer personality. Check out my art over at Urbanghoddzartistry.com.

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Frequently Asked Questions 

1. How do cultural views on masculinity affect Black men’s experiences as Doms in BDSM?

Cultural expectations of Black masculinity—like the pressure to appear dominant, invulnerable, or hyper-masculine—can both empower and complicate the experience of being a Dom. Many Black men may find BDSM a space where they can redefine dominance in ways that include vulnerability, communication, care, and responsibility—not just control.

2. Are there ways to honor African or diasporic traditions of power exchange in modern BDSM?

Absolutely. Many rituals in African and diasporic cultures emphasize respect, lineage, and communal responsibility—values that translate beautifully into mindful BDSM practices. Some Doms incorporate call-and-response, spiritual preparation, or ancestral acknowledgment into their negotiations and aftercare, making the scene a celebration of both eroticism and heritage.

3. How can Black couples talk about kink and consent without shame, especially when it isn’t commonly discussed in our communities?

Openness often starts by naming the ways mainstream culture and the legacy of stigma have discouraged honest talk about sexuality in Black spaces. Try normalizing these conversations by connecting kink to broader themes like trust, care, and mutual growth. Acknowledging barriers openly can help break them down and create space for new conversations.

4. What role does community (or lack thereof) play in shaping the safety and acceptance of Black people exploring BDSM?

Community is vital: it offers affirmation, accountability, and shared wisdom. In spaces where few Black doms or subs are visible, it’s easy to feel isolated or misunderstood. Creating or joining groups (online or IRL) centered on Black kink experiences fosters both safety and celebration—redefining what sexual power and care mean for the culture.